UK photographic artist Jo Howell explores her chronic pain condition through self portraiture and cyanotype alternative photography.
“As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.” This is via the links provided here.
I have decided to work with the entropic destruction of an acetate negative.
Printing the self portrait over and over. Wearing it out. Damaging it. The portrait will be a witness to the true nature of entropy.
The acetate negative is crudely printed and held together with tape. The bits and pieces don’t quite fit together.
A loosely held together representation of a loosely held together human.
The pieces are all 50cm x 65cm which allows for a lot of brush work. I can print these using a lamp but they go so much faster in sunlight.
Method
I started each by painting the cyanotype solution on to the paper in different ways. Using basic lines to fracture the image. Once this first layer is dry I then expose the negative either in the sun or under a lamp.
Once exposed, washed and dried I have then used soda ash and hot water to bleach back the image. Again fracturing the view.
The bleach is then washed away and I apply more cyanotype solution once the piece is dry again. The second layer of cyanotype is then used to print photo grams of objects that represent long term sickness.
Each of the portraits take a few days to create due to the drying times in between each part of the process. I sit with them on a night to consider the next move.
How many times can you print on top of work before the paper disintegrates?
The portrait is me but a version from the past that now only exists as the traces left behind. The body is just a borrowed vessel. Dust and bullshit.
Why?
I am 40 next week so now seemed a great time to consider mortality.
It’s a great theme of art.
Even the act of making art is an act of rebellion against death. Like hands sprayed in ochre by our ancestors in caves. We were here.
Having a chronic pain condition has made me consider the future differently.
Each day is its own battle. Thinking about things in the future is sometimes overwhelming. I can’t really make plans anymore.
I used to love going out or going on holidays. Now everything is measured in spoons and how much time I’ll need to rest.
It sucks the fun out of it really. I can’t just stay in the house resting and not masking all the time.
At home I can stay comfortably in pain, if that makes sense.
There’s my heat packs, meds, comfy pjs and my bed. I can head off for a nap. I can work on my own terms.
My bag of bones is insanely sensitive to air pressure fluctuations. This generally happens in line with sunrise and sunset but when we have changeable weather I can be bad all day.
I live in the UK on the coast. The weather is always changeable. How can I keep my face-to-face jobs when I am essentially allergic to weather?
Soz, I can’t come in today because it’s raining and my blood feels like it is pushing outwards.
I immediately don’t know my arse from my elbow and speaking becomes really hard. It’s embarrassing and painful. I sound drunk and dull and I can’t emote correctly so people often think I’m mad at them.
I digress but this is why I think mortality is presently on my mind.
Middle aged and getting to grips with the limitations whilst still pushing the boundaries.
Cyanotype is the photographic chemistry of choice for people like me. I used to take travelling darkrooms around the North East but I find the developer, stop bath and fix make me feel sick. The smell of pickled onions is terrible for setting off a flare! Cooking sugar and some perfumes make me feel sick as well.
Cyanotype has really helped me to adjust to my life of pain and remain creative. It suits my sickness. It’s forgiving and much less noxious.
These images show the portraits created so far in their various stages. I’m thinking I probably need 40 of them to mark the occasion.
Please remember to check out my Patreon and to subscribe on YouTube!
It will really help me to support myself when I inevitably become too sick to work face-to-face teaching.
I love it but it isn’t really sustainable for me in the long run.