I’m not waving I’m drowning

More artwork from the olden days by Jo Howell. This series of images eventually became a painting. Created in 2005.

Using photocopiers and net curtains to investigate poetry.

I’m not waving I’m drowning, self portrait, Jo Howell 2005

Back in 2005 I had found the artwork of Helen Chadwick and I really loved her use of photocopies in her work. I had also heard a poem that stuck with me ever since. Written in 1957 by Stevie Smith.

Not Waving but Drowning

By Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

The symbolic idea of misinterpreted distress really struck a chord with me. At the time I was still dealing with the mental fallout of having a miscarriage. My cheese had slid off my cracker and for the most part I was masking my loss of marbles excellently.

The dark and distorted images created by pressing my face into the glass of the scanner made me think about being trapped under ice and I thought it had a passing resemblance to Pre-Raphaelite artwork Ophelia (1851–2) by John Everett Millais.

I was 20 years old and exploring art through image making. Initially I was creating photographs to create paintings from. For a few projects I continued with this idea. Until eventually I put down my paintbrush and said “f**k it!” The images often stood fine on their own without the need for my cack handed painterly interpretations.

I loved the idea of distorting the self in some way. The maudlin and angst ridden teenager was still alive and well in my 20 year old self. Do poets need the pain? Or is it that they are more sensitive so they feel the pain more readily?

I had fun making these images. It was tiring as well because you have to hold yourself prone until the scan bar has made the image. A performance in itself. The work also loosely referenced Jenny Saville paintings of distorted larger ladies pressed up against glass. The use of this technique creates a visual barrier between the viewer and the subject. They seem trapped behind the borders of the image.

Tortured and distorted.

Self portrait on 35mm film by Jo Howell 2005

Every student needs a creepy wrapped up in a net curtain project. It was supposed to be reminiscent of Rene Magritte and his repeated icon of the funeral shroud. Not all ideas are good ideas 🙄 but maybe you won’t know until you have a go.